The Red Card.

No, I am not talking about the one from Football or Soccer (as you choose to call,) which leads a footballer to get ousted from the field, I am only referring to an innocuous red card and how it jolted the transformation from Childhood into Adolescence for a 14 year old so-and-so. Was she 12? or 13? or even 14? This is a so-and-so we are talking about, so let us just leave it at that. Now in Football, as it so happens, the referee gives the red card and no matter how much a player pretends, he/she has an inkling before that happening, because one knows what one did for a red card to be waved so vociferously at. For this Miss So-and-so, the vociferously ousted part is the only thing we can draw a parallel with, the rest happened under the most unprecedented of circumstances, as you shall witness vicariously. To begin with, she herself waved the red card, but at someone else, and was herself the one to be ousted from the metaphorical field. Also in the first place, she wasn't aware that she was playing. So without much ado, this is how it all went down...

It was sometime during mid-monsoon of 2003, actually it was a few days before or after the "Happy" Friendship Day, Miss So-and-so (referred to as So, hereafter,) then a mere child had an extra spring in her footstep. She had a friend whom she loved playing with, sharing notes with, fighting with, and all the 'withs' you can think of, including hours of daily endless chats with, over the BSNL landline, the one with the circular buttons and circular holes forming a circular pattern on the circular receiver, yes I am referring to her frequent proximity to the shape with the infinite symmetry, and funnily all of it only drawing her close to the loss of her own symmetry. She didn't quite know of it yet, because it was only some good old fun she was having and some random planning and thinking about doing some good old fun things with a friend when apart. Now friendship day was drawing near and in those days they had little cards priced at Rs. 1 or Rs. 2 or Rs. 5 at most, sure there were higher priced ones but the children couldn't afford anything beyond that! In most cases they painted hand made cards for their friends for "memorable occasions" such as "Friendship" Days. Well, So was never the one to celebrate or even gift cards but something about that year was different, the feelings of "friendship" she was feeling was stronger, or so she missed to evaluate. A disclaimer here: "Friendship" like this are written within quotes here because adults, way past their Adolescence and even more way past their Childhood, are reading this and we know of "friendships" we have in this phase of our lives now, so come on! Who are we kidding about not having double quoted friendships? So one rainy afternoon, after school, after a heavy afternoon meal, on the way to an English tuition at that, So asked her father sheepishly, (not in English language, you know the reason behind the tuition now,) if she could purchase a nice card for a friend on the occasion of Friendship Day. Her father was bewildered because his daughter had never purchased a card before. Other than that initial delay in processing speed, he infact had no other qualms and immediately said a yes and proceeded to take her to a tiny stationary-cum-gift shop on the way.

The heaps and stacks of 1 Rs. and 2 Rs. card were immediately displaced from the pile strewn on the floor, to the desk-cum-dividing door at the store-front (as the shopkeeper was well aware of the customer segment standing in front of him.) As she flipped and tossed each of them, and sometimes a mound at once, quite displeasingly, the straight-lipped shopkeeper form shifted to a more concave-lipped character. His segmentation was flawed but his second trod, now towards the 5 Rs and 10 Rs card isle was jaunty. On close examination from the buyer, even those were flipped from A to Z but with no luck. As the concave was on its way to being a straight line again (because the shopkeeper couldn't imagine this customer segment to dream bigger,) So-and-so looked up and her attention was immediately drawn towards what was hanging from the nylon rope above. It was a red card, secured in transparent packaging, safe yet unsafe as it dangled precariously from the rope above, tied to unsteady pegs on both its ends, blowing with the wind sometimes, when the cloth clip that held one of its ends lost control. The shopkeeper kept no hope in his heart as he uttered, "It is Rs. 30, Sir." The statement wholly directed towards So's father, because he knew who the actual decision maker was here, the shopkeeper made no move to dislodge the already unsteady piece of stationary. So's father glanced at her eyes and noticed the anticipation and immediately requested for its dislodge. And there you have it folks, this is the first instance of how So made her first contact with the red card and thus her Adolescence. Such a momentous occasion and so little hullabaloo, except for the wind and the light drizzle that swept her arms when she raised it to hold onto the exterior plastic, as the shopkeeper proceeded to unhinge the cloth clip. The colour - red, the adornment- red roses, the card - 3D and large - it all worked out in that moment. As one opened it, the red roses were shoved to the face as a reminder of upcoming Autumn or Spring maybe, I googled the season hence don't bother verifying, So didn't know - but did it matter to So? The answer is no, it just looked so radiant and red that the implications escaped her mind, or let's just say she knew not of any underlying implication/s - of the colour or of the flower. Like I said, she lived in her Childhood at that particular moment in time. She never realized but those moments that she so cherished until that moment, were dwindling with every passing second ; every step she made brought her closer to a loss she would have never felt before. Well as long as we can cherish those moments of untarnished innocence, let me bring you back to that moment in time again. The glimmer in her eyes so discernible and the hope in her heart so incontrovertible, that her father gave in to this unaccustomed ingenue wish. So grabbed the card, waited for her father to kick-start the Vespa and off she went, her spirit for the rest of the evening and night pumped up high, waiting to hand over the red card to the final recipient. The fateful next day arrived, excited she hopped on the school bus, albeit late as usual, after having chased the bus for a few hundred metres, she concealed her excitement and the card from others, which was difficult too, as both were large in magnitude. Now bear in mind her reasons for hiding it from the rest of the bus-mates and following that the class-mates as well, it was to save her other friends from a heart-break, not because she felt this particular emotion or this form of expression ought to be hidden for it was only friendship to her; she didn't want her other friends to feel that they were deserving of anything lesser, although she was implying that, wasn't she? Please remember, she was only a child up until this moment and didn't think much and only did what she felt.

The first break was the time when she thought was the "correct" time to award her friend this certificate of deep assurance of friendship (because she felt the colour red, the flower rose and the size big and the form 3D, did just that and nothing else.) So pulled her friend aside from the prankish group they often hung out with and produced before her this massive red declaration of undying "friendship" for her friend. So-and-so expected a symmetry and synergy in emotions from her, if not more, but was quite disappointed at the anti-climax. Her friend wasn't keen on accepting the card and with it the emotion, and after much reluctance she took it and continued to ignore So for the rest of the day. So hadn't understood the reason for such a return and was quite perplexed and visually distressed for the rest of the day but no exchange of communication happened thereon. There were no phone calls that day and no Good Morning the next morning, only one interaction where a return card was distributed to her, I say distribute because similar cards were infact distributed by So's friend to many in the aforementioned prankish group and So only happened to be one among them. This coldness continued on for the rest of the week, and there were not even glances after that.

This fateful day, abruptly and for So - unpreparedly, etched the first pang of emotional loss and heralded (ironically in silence) the beginning of her Adolescence. The weeks turned into months and those months turned into years and she never received any reason for the shun. Many negative emotions were discovered during this initial permanent transition and many more thereafter, infact the first of many similar sentiments- of loneliness, of emptiness, of rejection, of despondence, of indignation, of voids and many beyond this list - these were always clubbed with what-ifs and why-nots, that complicated and stretched the life-cycle of every dreary emotion everytime. Still an answer and a closure always remained due. And as So gradually reconciled with the ramifications of that red card, she finally came upon the answer she had been forever seeking. For her that came after a grueling span of another 4 years but you are experienced, so can you guess? It was something called "love." So hadn't realize that she had inadvertently expressed love for the first time and was also rejected for the first time, that too for a reason that much later she could blame society for - society - often used as a misnomer for the phrase "glue that holds us all together," I do agree with the glue part, the stickiest of all glues, the most annoying when stuck between unsought surfaces. So-and-so didn't hear of such a thing as "love," now you could all laugh and think to yourself, "So, so late bloomer." But do you know why? It is because So didn't know, neither did she realize, nor understand because of no reference in the real world, not even in "mass" media. So wasn't aware of her kind of love, or the reaction that came with that, or the shame that came with the expression of her love, or how her love so similar yet so different for everyone around was suddenly a societal responsibility to redress. So, So led on, hurt, a little confused, still with a little kindling of hope burning inside because she was yet to confront another inevitability of how this would go on to poison her perception of "love forever more," romantic or even otherwise. Well you guessed it, she once again was jolted into it, yet another time without her knowledge, and this time it brought about her transition to Adulthood but that is a story for later.

Coming back to the red card folks, it is true - a red card can knock anyone out from any real or metaphorical field, but it is always a gamble, because in this present context I have been blabbering about for the last few minutes, red signifies passion and danger at the same time. It is simply your luck what applies to you at a particular moment. In hindsight keeping everything same and only choosing yellow would have helped ease the transition to Adolescence for So but whom is she kidding? Miss So-and-so always has and still does love the red, the danger red.

P.S. Of course the last illustration is not done by @AK, but by @almostthere herself, have you seen the quality of artwork? Come on now!